Well, I did yesterday. A camera really should’ve been following me around and TV producers would’ve had some great material for a new sitcom!
First of all, I was cooking dinner for my family, and trying to do it quickly since I was supposed to meet my friends at 5:45 to go to the movies. The meal-du-jour was homemade macaroni and cheese. The onions, butter and flour were simmering, awaiting the milk and cheese. As I measured the milk (over the pot, which in hindsight was NOT a good idea), my hand touched the very hot pot. (Aside, I do handle any kind of heat well).
The next thing I knew, I was covered in milk, as was half the kitchen! My hand jerked back so violently from the heat, that I threw the contents of the cup at myself. My hair, glasses and clothes dripped with milk. The shock of the freezing cold liquid had me stupefied for a moment. I couldn’t see a thing – my glasses needed windshield wipers. I just stood there, not knowing where to turn first, while my onions began to burn. It reminded me of all those slapstick moments on TV when characters got pie or cake in the face. Great!!
When I finally cleared my vision, and wiped down the stove, cupboards and floor, I was running way behind. Plus I now needed a shower because my hair had hardened into breakable pieces that would soon start to smell like sour milk. Couldn’t sit in a movie theatre like that!
Well, I eventually made it to the movies (with damp hair). The next bizarre incident happened later that night near to midnight. I had left my friend’s house, and went to pick up my daughter at her friend’s. As we pulled in our driveway, she said, “Is that a raccoon on our lawn?” A very reasonable question since we seem to have a family of four living under our deck and/or in our garage, as the weather suits them. Thinking nothing of it, I got out of the car and took a look. It was very dark and the animal blended right in with the wet leaves on our lawn. Then I saw the white stripe!! Olympic sprinters have nothing on me!
“Get back in the car!” I shouted to my offspring. “Lock the doors quick!” (Like a skunk could open our car door??)
And so we sat as the minutes ticked on, held hostage on our driveway by a rodent digging up my front lawn at its leisure. Thinking quickly, decided I needed something to scare it off with. I fished an old coffee cup out of the garbage and prepared for battle. Too bad my armour was in the cleaners!
Quietly I got out of the car and hurled the cup at the scavenger. Was Peppy Le Pew scared? Oh no. He thought I was throwing him treats and promptly went to investigate said coffee cup. Frustration was mounting. I needed to get inside the house (for various unmentionable reasons). I started yelling and clapping my hands. “Shoo. Get out of here!” I yelled. Finally a response. It moved one foot further towards the house. “Not that way! Geesh!”
I returned to the car and waited some more. The back door was locked (I have no key to the back door) and everyone else was asleep. Hmmm. Mother Nature was getting more insistent, so I decided to scope out the varmint’s location again. I got out of the car, slipped around my husband’s car and my heart stopped! The skunk was right there! Eyeball to eyeball.
I did what any skunk-fearing woman would do. I screamed very loudly and hopped back into the car. “Hey, mom. You sound just like me when I see a spider.” Daughter was finding this a little too funny. I didn’t see her out there battling the enemy.
After several more minutes when I couldn’t tell where he’d gone, I decided to move my car back down the driveway so the headlights could shine on our lawn. That worked well, except we couldn’t see him – anywhere. Was he planning an ambush from the hedges? Was he hiding under my husband’s car, just waiting for us to walk by and douse us but good?
Finally, we had no choice but to make a run for it. That’s what we did and to this day, I have no idea where that skunk went. Probably to visit with the raccoon family under the deck and have a good laugh!
There must have been a full moon last night. No other explanation for it!